The Din in my mind....
The clock smiles at me:) says, "My dear friend its already 1:00 AM. Sleep off.....U are tired".
I just looked at it and said, " My dear friend, I am jealous of you."
How can it just keep moving every second.Doesn't it have any other work except moving on and on and on and teasing us showing how happy it is to move ahead every second. I wonder why people complain to me after reading my posts, that I am off-hook in life? I smile and say ,"No, nothing like that. See am perfectly fine".
But now as I sit alone in my room, when the whole world around me is sleeping, I can myself sense the off-hookness. The whole day, I keep on raising the spirit of many, pushing them to push their best as life is not gonna give them another chance. But, why am I not able to push my ownself. Funny!! it is.
Time to sleep, but don't want to...... Want to write, but don't know what to....... The fingers seem to be enjoying the exercise as they go on moving and typing on the keyboard. I am asking them," Arent you tired after a day long work of typing softwares?" they just don't seem to listen.... They are acting like little kids who want to ignore me and just continue their play.
Lets see what they type today.... I know I am the mind who has the substance, what can these fingers do without me..... But, I feel helpless, as they are just not stopping. How dare they go against my wish..... Don't thay know they belong to me? How much it hurts, when they just don't want to listen.
Just leave them. I think these stupid fingers are just not going to listen.
Let me talk to my sahdow instead, he has been with me in all thick and thin... But he is giving me a grotesque smile and saying that, "Don't worry, I too will betray you as soon as the lights are turned off."
Whom should I trust then? I always slept in sound sleep, as I thought that my shadow was guarding me when I was fast asleep... But, how betrayed I feel, when I hear from the one I loved so much that he too will leave me.
How will I sleep? Who will take care of me when the lights are off. Will the darkness spare me in the absence of my freind 'Shadow'? I better get smart and befriend the darkness. At least it will let me sleep.
But this is not the type of company and trust I was looking at...... These are all fair weather friends... all are there with me when they see me pleasing them, or else will just leave me.
Who then? Who exactly will stay with me and will never betray me for the rest of my life?....... Death suddenly comes and stands next to me..... seems like he is trying to propose his friendship. God knows , now what does he have in offer for me. Lets hear it from his own mouth."My dear friend, come to me and I will never leave you". Somehow, I find this funny, how can this death just come from nowhere and propose me. I don't want to trust him either. At least life has some one or the other with me at some point of time, but death looks so ugly.
But, some how its pulled a chair next to me and is trying to persuade me.... But why is it so sweet in his voice? Oops!! for a change he just pulled the black robe off his face. Oh my god!! how bright and beautiful his face is!!
But, death, how was your face so black and dark in that robe?.... No friend, my face was never dark, it was always bright and beautiful the way you see it now. Just that the light within you is so dark that my face also looks dark to you. The peace that you would find within me can't be found anywhere else.
Hmmm..... I am confused........after all I am just a kid who has been hurt by all..... I can't trust anyone now. The only option left is to trust the one that can never ever betray me.. THAT IS MY MOTHER'S LOVE :)
Goodnight, as I think I have got to know the true friend who will never leave me ever and ever and will always be there to guide me .. My Mother. So I can sleep now... I no more need my shadow or the darkness.... Now I have the greatest strength with me!!
I just looked at it and said, " My dear friend, I am jealous of you."
How can it just keep moving every second.Doesn't it have any other work except moving on and on and on and teasing us showing how happy it is to move ahead every second. I wonder why people complain to me after reading my posts, that I am off-hook in life? I smile and say ,"No, nothing like that. See am perfectly fine".
But now as I sit alone in my room, when the whole world around me is sleeping, I can myself sense the off-hookness. The whole day, I keep on raising the spirit of many, pushing them to push their best as life is not gonna give them another chance. But, why am I not able to push my ownself. Funny!! it is.
Time to sleep, but don't want to...... Want to write, but don't know what to....... The fingers seem to be enjoying the exercise as they go on moving and typing on the keyboard. I am asking them," Arent you tired after a day long work of typing softwares?" they just don't seem to listen.... They are acting like little kids who want to ignore me and just continue their play.
Lets see what they type today.... I know I am the mind who has the substance, what can these fingers do without me..... But, I feel helpless, as they are just not stopping. How dare they go against my wish..... Don't thay know they belong to me? How much it hurts, when they just don't want to listen.
Just leave them. I think these stupid fingers are just not going to listen.
Let me talk to my sahdow instead, he has been with me in all thick and thin... But he is giving me a grotesque smile and saying that, "Don't worry, I too will betray you as soon as the lights are turned off."
Whom should I trust then? I always slept in sound sleep, as I thought that my shadow was guarding me when I was fast asleep... But, how betrayed I feel, when I hear from the one I loved so much that he too will leave me.
How will I sleep? Who will take care of me when the lights are off. Will the darkness spare me in the absence of my freind 'Shadow'? I better get smart and befriend the darkness. At least it will let me sleep.
But this is not the type of company and trust I was looking at...... These are all fair weather friends... all are there with me when they see me pleasing them, or else will just leave me.
Who then? Who exactly will stay with me and will never betray me for the rest of my life?....... Death suddenly comes and stands next to me..... seems like he is trying to propose his friendship. God knows , now what does he have in offer for me. Lets hear it from his own mouth."My dear friend, come to me and I will never leave you". Somehow, I find this funny, how can this death just come from nowhere and propose me. I don't want to trust him either. At least life has some one or the other with me at some point of time, but death looks so ugly.
But, some how its pulled a chair next to me and is trying to persuade me.... But why is it so sweet in his voice? Oops!! for a change he just pulled the black robe off his face. Oh my god!! how bright and beautiful his face is!!
But, death, how was your face so black and dark in that robe?.... No friend, my face was never dark, it was always bright and beautiful the way you see it now. Just that the light within you is so dark that my face also looks dark to you. The peace that you would find within me can't be found anywhere else.
Hmmm..... I am confused........after all I am just a kid who has been hurt by all..... I can't trust anyone now. The only option left is to trust the one that can never ever betray me.. THAT IS MY MOTHER'S LOVE :)
Goodnight, as I think I have got to know the true friend who will never leave me ever and ever and will always be there to guide me .. My Mother. So I can sleep now... I no more need my shadow or the darkness.... Now I have the greatest strength with me!!
posted by Unknown at 11:41 AM
15 Comments:
Hi Praveen,
I'm not writing much these days 'cos life is getting a bit hectic here, but I keep reading you even if I'm a bit more silent now...
Yes, it's weird but at the same time so familiar... I mean... the fact that we can often be stronger for others than for our own selves, and it is at our weekest moments when no one seems to be around... no one... except for mothers who always understand and never fail us...
Although... maybe friends are not failing us, but just failing to guess how important they can be or how much we need them...
Please accept a big "pushing" wish from the other side of the world--- it can never be as good as that given by a mother, but I hope it reaches you with its full strength so that it can be of some use at least ;)
Take care,
Maria
Hey Maria,
I was really missing your comments!! Long time......
Thanks for the "Push" yaar.... Don't you worry, that state is common for me whenever I get alone at night, but the beauty is that only then I can write something.
Take care and All the best for the hectic life you have to handle.
-Praveen
hi praveen,
i have read some of ur blogs, not all, to be frank but will definately read all as soon as time permit.
lemme tel u my frnd that u r very true and straight about your feeling.
i am amazed, how beautifully u describe a situation u r in, where most persont wud keep silent as they fear that thier emotions and feeling wud b stake....
But here lies a hidden treasure of life my frnd.....
do whatever u want, write whatever u want and just xpress ur self so as u can relieve urself frm the inside pressure...
This will help u in looking at this world in a much better perspective.
I mean the state of mind u were in, at the start of ur blog, was a lil sad but as u kept writing, the sadness gave way to a noble thot of what u have in ur goodie bag.
there came an answer from ur inner conscious 'Mothers Luv'
hence u have found out ways 2 live happily but the main problem is that u regress and infact we all do...and the clock doesnt....
to live happily we ought to find new reasons to b happy over the past misfortunes...
so be a clock my frnd and go on.....
tick... tick...
an admirer
hey praveen..........it was really different yaar.....frankally speaking little bit scary also........and dont be so insecure yaar, u r always sorrounded by beautiful light!keep smiling and keep writing!
Hey Admirer,
God knows if I know you.... but, you seem to know me so well:)
If you have a name then do leave that.
And about the Regress.... I will tell you the situation I am in.... I was in a ship, that got a hole in it and sank..... I had to jump out of it and start swimming.. But I somehow am so close to the ship than the shore and I tend to come back after every short while.... to check that may be my ship is still floating, but NO... However, hope does not let me move on... I return after evry couple of strokes in the water.. to check back on the ship... evn if I know its already sank and is no where around me.
But, I tell you I had put in a lot to it just like the Titanic, and it was its made-in voyage... I know sooner or later I will know that the ship is no more there and he illusion is over...
But till then... I will keep returning to check for it, and will neither reach the shore nor the ship... and will keep swimming and swimmning and swimming..... May b someday one of these things will happen:
1) My ship will emerge out of water.
2) I will reach the shore.
3) I will sink in the water.
So my dear friend.... be with me to see me swimming... I hope to make many more friends like you on my Journey :)
Dear Praveen:
Your reply to "Admirer" :)
is a post in itself...and sooo clear! Again, I felt so much identified with the state I am currently in...
You know?? It's great to see all this at the same time from inside (as a "senser") and from outside (as a reader), as it makes me become a little more objective for a second at least, and I see that option 3 needs to be immediately discarded by you and by me...
I know sometimes that's the one we may feel more sympathy with... When we are hurt or disappointed and when we feel weak, we may be tempted to stop swimming, specially when the shore doesn't seem so beautiful as our ship was or is, or when there is no other ship around, on board of which we would like to go...
But underlying your writings I can also see a lot of strength and attitude to be perfectly able to live life to the fullest. I have the impression that you are a truly gold-medal swimmer, and I'm sure that you will reach the shore very soon... maybe by your own swimming or maybe on another nice ship... that we never knows until the time comes.
Keep swimming, keep writing and keep giving your best... We all want you there in the best of shapes and spirits. Thanks for your writings. They are really good and also helpful :)
Take care,
Maria
hi Praveen
wel wel well said again....
i no that u have put in a lot effort makin that ship and i agree that one feel attached to hsi own creation and shud be ....But my dear frnd u have already tried plugging holes in ur ship...u did ur best didnt u ??
lemme tel u 1 more thing ....
when a large ship sinks the vortex formed due to this could drown even the best swimmer.....so its better 2 swim to shore( a safe distance)
because u have lot more thing to do...
u can make another ship more larger and sturdier than the previous 1 which wont betray u in the made in voyage....
there r sm thing which r beyond our control my frnd...this explains the existence of the almighty...
WHO is kind enough 2 giv each person a ship he deserves.....
he is much more farsighted than all of us and knows which ship is better
for us and would help us find or inspire us 2 create that ship which wud help us cross this ocean of life,,,,
so man just swim to the shore and who knows what life has stored in 4 u :)
.......
an admirer
Good Morning Admirer,
Have you watched the Titanic movie? The captain of the ship, and also the maker.. both prefered to sink with it, rather than swim to the shore..... so dear, its not a very easy thing to swim to the shore when you see your ship sinking. And the type of person I am I would try plugging all the holes up but, if that does not work, then will try pushing the ship up... very well knowing that I may not have the power to support it.
But I tell you when I give my best to something.. its take a while for me to get out of it. And anyways even if I sink due to the vortex, I may not regret as I at that moment only had one motive in life.. the ship.... so once that's gone the journey loses its meaning sometimes.
But dear, don't you worry.... let me tell you even if I reach the shore, I will never be able to make that ship again as with that accident I have lost my craftmanship hands... so the beauty will never be regained.
So, let the time be the best wave and will take me to the shore irrespective of the fact i want to or not.... till then let me admire the floating wooden peices of my ship.... and cherish the beauty and the time I had spent on that. I know this is running form reality.... but that's how we are.. we live this life also, very well knowing its not real.
Last but not the least.... In this journey I might become such a good swimmer that I may not need a ship at all...and I can go through my entire journey swimming form one shore to another....
You will know my state if you ever see your ship sinking, but I hope your ship never sinks and keeps floating and takes you to your destination... because all are not as good swimmers as me.... I know I will never sink.... Actually there is no ocean made who can drown this swimmer :)... just kiddin.
And admirer, I also admire you... and ur not giving me your name..... I earlier had another reader whose name was Maria who disclosed her name after my request. But if you have an issue in that just tell me any name that Ican call.... as admirer sounds a bit self-praising :)
Anyways.... I expext your valuable comments in all the aricles that you have read and will read when time permits.
All the very best to you for life and for swim and for everything :D
Regrads,
-Praveen
Dear Maria,
Will reply to your comment as soon as possible.. as got some urgent work.
Keep smiling:)
Regards,
-Praveen
Hi Admirer,
I missed out on two points.
First of all, I don't write to release any internal presure or anything like that.... I write because I feel this is a very straight way for me to express my heart and touch other's heart...
Its a way of communication for me and my readers... I have no negative internal pressure that needs to be released.. and if there is anything inside me then you will see it in my writing and that's ... Love :)
And the second thing is about two ways to live.. may be u know me just thru my writing ... so u are saying so :) If you would have known me in person you would have known that writing is a minutest part of my life.. there is so much more joy to it.... and Mother's love is not a way to live.. but an energy that enrgizes me to spread the positive energy to those who need it ..
SO dear... the ship was unlucky that it sank.... I know any ship that sank is not worth crying... I will move on and construct a new ship some day. Coz anyways the ship with a hole had to sink one day or the other.
And its a duty of a swimmer to swim if there is no ship around.
I may sound dpressed in my writings, but this is just one side of the writer.. keep watching this space.. I fill this with so much of joy and enthusiasm that the readers themselves will be raised from their sleeping spirits.
My motive to write is to search for truth and raise others from the slumber so that they too look at the truth.
Cheers!! and take care...
-Praveen
Hey Maria,
Its been long that I was finding time to reply to ur comment... at last found some minutes now.Bit hectic now a days.
Yes dear.. I very well understand and feel when you say that you can experience the same thing from both the two ends one as a senser and one as a reader... May be that's the reason why you relate so well to my writing, beacuse as a writer my experiences ar tentamount to yours.
I too agree that the 3rd option is out of question... that will never ever happen :) After all life is to swim and not to drown.... and don't you worry I am actually a silver medal swimmer(even though not gold).... what a coincidence!!
I hope to write a lot more article that makes readers feel that they are actually seeing their inside out... but for that its sometimes necessary for us to experience those pain and agony to actually feel what one writes. And in your case it usually happens.
I hope you are doing well with your hectic schedule.
Take care.
Regards,
-Praveen
Hey!
Thanks for taking time off your also-busy schedule to reply, and please do not feel any pressure... whenever you can, it will be wellcome... Soooo... you are a silver medal swimmer... Interesting!!! :-)
I have been in a sinking mood these few weeks back, as I was suddenly missing someone a lot again as some beatiful memories became stronger all of a sudden... but as you said... it's a back and forth movement... just as that of the waves, which, once on their right way, always end up reaching the shore... I'm on the good path again (hope it'll last!!!) and actually feeling happy and lucky that my life has always been -and hope will still be- full of lovely feelings and great moments... Some peope live their lives without these up and down movements... but also without those great moments that we have been allowed to experience...
And you were right, it's not that we are sad/depressed type of person... probably just the opposite!! it's just that when we live through something great... it's very hard to accept we have to move on and do without it... but that's life and, as I often say... I'm not crying because I'm unlucky... I'm just crying because I was too lucky and happy... and now I miss him.
It's neither good nor bad... just human...
All the best in life...Take care.
Maria
Hmmm.. Maria,
I can just say that I can very well step in your shoes and feel what and how you feel.
Missing is actually a part of my life... and I no more miss her only in my sad moments but even when I am happy.... so its actually a daily work now .. just like we brush our teeth :)
When you are so much used to share with someone, they are a part of your soul, so whether or not you want, you share yourself with them every moment.
SO its just very human, and I don't see a point to falsely battle with your self to pretend forgetting someone when you very well know that you are sharing with them all your tears and smiles every moment.
If its a loss , its on both sides.. on this side because, we always wanted them and miss them and on that side because they lost someone who loves them so much, whether or not they realize that. Anyways time and tide waits for none... even these tears are grief will soon be replaced by the smiles and joy of the wave of time... And what will remain will only be some sort of memories because good swimmers have to keep swimming in case the ship sinks:)
Anyways, will try to write as soon as find some time. Till then you must realize that these comments are actually not comments but fillers in between two articles.
Take care and keep smiling... I was wondering where the other admirer vanished.. hehehe...
Regards,
-Praveen
Praveen,
I really don't know how but may we both think quite alike or have experienced some common things in life.
There r times when while reading ut articles I feel that I would answer ur question, and the very next lines that I would read, u urself would have answered what ever I intended to write for u.
I wud like to say just 1 thing,
We will experience many shocking things in this life that wud either break us or make us.But fortunate part is that it is entirely on us as to what we wan't for ourselves.
True... very true Garima.
The beauty is in taking decisions that make us and not break us...
And abt the likeness... i do acknowledge the similarity and that's the beauty to have readers that relate with you so wel.
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