Still lost in the Depths.....

When I was a kid, my mother always said to me ..... "never ever utter inauspicious things from your mouth , who knows when God is sitting on your tongue. It will come true."

I used to smile at this statement and would just ignore it.... But, a few days ago this sentence that was told to me decades ago came echoing in my ears.... and also with it came some internal tears :)

Years ago I was annoyed on someone because she didn't call me for one day.... I felt it as a mandatory thing to speak with her everyday .. not only because I was addicted to her voice, but also because I thought it as a prerogative on her part too....... To pacify my annoyance she said, " What if you don't get to talk to me for the rest of your life?" It was a shocking statement but a true one :) ….But I convinced myself off this as a hypothetical statement that such separation would only come after death...... hardly did I know that God had timed himself so well and was seated on her tongue that instant when she said that sentence to me :)

Few days ago.... the cell phone rang .... not mine but my friend's..... The cell phone’s screen displayed her name and then my friend spoke to her..... but I stood there listening to fragments of her voice which was very feebly audible but as sweet as the first time we had talked..... I smiled but with a pain inside got satisfied with that voice only, as god had already executed his plot..... circumstances had tuned the sweet dialogues into monologues for the rest our lives...... Well it had to happen one day.. but hardly did I know the day would come before death :)

Who say's life's not beautiful? It's the way we look at it...... Even the pain can be so beautiful if we look at it as just a piece of life rather than a curse...... it's just a moment .. just a collection of seconds that have just come to teach us.... just come to pass..... just come to make us stronger.... to make us better ... to make us more loving than before...... Every second comes with a purpose usually with a purpose to evolve us..

Life is like an art museum where there are several paintings put on the wall...... we just have to walk looking at each one of these paintings... the master painter has drawn all these with great precision and planning..... If we don't move to the next painting in the row, how would we learn about the entire idea of the master painter, that is god…….. I know it’s very difficult and sometimes seemingly impossible for us to move to the next painting in the row…… We get so engrossed in those that we forget that we are actually spectators and instead we get submerged into the painting in such a way as if we were a part of it and embed ourselves into it.

And some of us who are able to move to the next are still looking back continuously at the painting till the next 4 or 5 of them…. :)

How wonderful is that perfect spectator who has enjoyed each and every emotion embedded in those paintings made by the almighty and has also moved ahead.

Today, my colleague came to me saying that he was really surprised to see my writings and had never imagined me writing things of so much depth…… but hardly does he know that sometimes life makes you sink into the deepest waters and ironically you don’t want to emerge out of those deep waters even though you can hardly breathe in there….. And in those moments of loneliness and isolation you actually take the notice of the beauty of those depths that otherwise we would never reach. We all say that one should know how to swim.. but, sometimes it’s really important for us to sink and may be sink so hard that we actually touch the bottom of the depth and only come up after we have bounced back hitting the bottom water-bed and not because we swam.

We know what is perfect but we are scared to be perfect … we love imperfection because we are comfortable in the same ……We know that Love hurts but we also know that there is no life without love… so at least it’s better to get hurt and live rather than not living at all.

My Dad kept saying to me all my life to make it a habit to get up early in the morning…. But the beauty of the silent night seems like seducing me every night… I just want to get lost with it every night… me and my loneliness make a wonderful couple who have to separate every morning with the sunrise….. This is also a love, that the day seldom understands and I have to separate with my beloved- Loneliness….. Well, the “Day” also wakes me up every morning and promises me to be a better partner than my loneliness….. but, I still wonder that, if my loneliness is such a good partner, why does it leave me alone every day with the sunrise? Why does it leave me alone in this world.

How beautiful it would be to be IN this world, but not OF this world…… because this world deceives you…. It hurts you… but I guess this Loneliness will at least not deceive you till the end.. or may be even after the end……. :)