Sitting in my room. Having the doors open... Its cold... Wanting to be alone, yet wanting if someone would come and talk for a while. Playing the music too loud even at 4 am, so that the world knows that am awake.
Its strange to be living for others...
We can hardly live alone. Someone around feels good.
Why do we fear to show our true self to the world. We want to show our best. We don't want the world to know that we are weak. It matters to us so much to show our best self to the world. The strong and stout self. Even this post, am wondering to post on my Blog or not.
Every one is as busy as me, wondering about himself in this world. He or she does not matter to me, and so do I don't matter much to her.
She used to say the same to me. I guess she truly knew a bit more about me and life than I know about myself. But, somehow sometimes in life you do not want anyone to predict your fallacies. You want to be as much a stranger to yourself as you are to yourself. No one as a help is welcomed.
Its all good, but bad too. What has sense, and what has not seems like a puzzle to me. The clutter is like a earthworm. Some have weed and go high, and some go for liquor. Party in and party out, but life escapes out in the mean while. What is life after all. Does it even matter to know? or Can one ever know.
Will it even matter to live without it and with it. Not sure. But, still it gives a peace to acknowledge that you are having such thoughts in your mind. The thoughts if nothing are coming from a pure space in that corner of the mind, which I may not been able to reach consciously.
Its 4 am and I am worrying about how will I get up in the morning? Isn't life about worry more than it is needed. When do you get up? Is the 8Hrs over. What if the meditation does not happen? Whether or not I will be able to make a change to NITIE at all? So and so much of thought in this mind every minute.
Is this seriousness even needed ? I guess not. What if today while I was coming back from the party of a friend I would I have got ran over by a truck. Would I have been able to do anything at all? But, can death be an excuse not to be serious about life, or I must say about my version of life.
Sleep and dope are close cousins :)... in both you feel sleepy !!
And so am I.. It was fun writing something tonight after almost 3 years. Life has changed a lot, and so I have too. Or should I say that I have lived a bit more, as changed may not be the right adjective.
I want someone unknown to read this blog someday by mistake... and my own known one's to not even know that I wrote this. Because, the fear of being felt as weird is lurking within.
How much life do we all waste i hitting our heads thinking about others. May be this is what is meant by External Locus.
Its strange to be living for others...
We can hardly live alone. Someone around feels good.
Why do we fear to show our true self to the world. We want to show our best. We don't want the world to know that we are weak. It matters to us so much to show our best self to the world. The strong and stout self. Even this post, am wondering to post on my Blog or not.
Every one is as busy as me, wondering about himself in this world. He or she does not matter to me, and so do I don't matter much to her.
She used to say the same to me. I guess she truly knew a bit more about me and life than I know about myself. But, somehow sometimes in life you do not want anyone to predict your fallacies. You want to be as much a stranger to yourself as you are to yourself. No one as a help is welcomed.
Its all good, but bad too. What has sense, and what has not seems like a puzzle to me. The clutter is like a earthworm. Some have weed and go high, and some go for liquor. Party in and party out, but life escapes out in the mean while. What is life after all. Does it even matter to know? or Can one ever know.
Will it even matter to live without it and with it. Not sure. But, still it gives a peace to acknowledge that you are having such thoughts in your mind. The thoughts if nothing are coming from a pure space in that corner of the mind, which I may not been able to reach consciously.
Its 4 am and I am worrying about how will I get up in the morning? Isn't life about worry more than it is needed. When do you get up? Is the 8Hrs over. What if the meditation does not happen? Whether or not I will be able to make a change to NITIE at all? So and so much of thought in this mind every minute.
Is this seriousness even needed ? I guess not. What if today while I was coming back from the party of a friend I would I have got ran over by a truck. Would I have been able to do anything at all? But, can death be an excuse not to be serious about life, or I must say about my version of life.
Sleep and dope are close cousins :)... in both you feel sleepy !!
And so am I.. It was fun writing something tonight after almost 3 years. Life has changed a lot, and so I have too. Or should I say that I have lived a bit more, as changed may not be the right adjective.
I want someone unknown to read this blog someday by mistake... and my own known one's to not even know that I wrote this. Because, the fear of being felt as weird is lurking within.
How much life do we all waste i hitting our heads thinking about others. May be this is what is meant by External Locus.
posted by Unknown at 2:34 PM
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